How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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