If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Randomize