I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
