Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
