I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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