saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
