Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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