even my farts smell like vagina
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize