i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
