he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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