Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
