You just made me feel so damn special
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Panties = found
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
