i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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