just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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