you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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