I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
