mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
In America we eat man semen.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
