Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
