I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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