Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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