WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
