I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
