if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
