i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
