Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
