I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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