I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
