well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
