UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
