Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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