Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
