I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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