do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
