In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
