At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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