I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
