forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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