party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
