I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
