if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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