I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
