we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
