if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
