he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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