What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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