if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
