so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize