he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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