Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
