How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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