I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
