Nicole vs. Life
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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