i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
