i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
