you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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