You're completely useless in the revolution.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize