Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
