Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
