Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
