I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
