Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Still dying that you shit outside
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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