all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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